Transcript: Drugs

Searchin’ USA
Episode “Drugs”

Josh: Hi I am Josh and welcome the Searchin’ USA, where we openly mocked you where you are of most vulnerable so lock the kids in the garage because it can be a little bit of color. Let’s go.
This week’s intentionally absurd theme is look who is on drugs so I’m going to go through the top 1000 and pick the top five that were obviously made under the influence. Number five Walgreens at 34, this pharmacy knows a lot about drugs.
Number for Kenny Chesney, you would have to be on drugs to like Kenny Chesney and yes moonshine is a drug. Number three Bon Jovi at 299, let me guess they’re passing around a 6 footer over at the Ki Omega house and you blindly stumbled home in the darkness of the evening and in your dorm room you open up your keyboard and the blue light of the monitor you type in the most secret thing when nobody is looking.
Number two to game of life at 272, yeah you search for it but do you leave your parents’ basement to actually experience it? And my number one look who is on drugs search of the week is McDonald’s at 835, it is late and you are high you could waddle into any direction and run into the golden arches, but no you have got to Google it right before you pass out and your incense sets off your smoke detectors.
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Now it is time for diet wars, when we find out how plus size America is fighting the battle of the bulge by looking at the inherit truths borne out in the top 1000 search queries. Coming in at a surprising third place at 234 is the south beach diet. Followed closely at 221 by the Atkins diet, but by far the number one way Americans lose weight is number 97 Jesus. So get on your knees if you can find him.
Now we would like to take a moment to answer a search query that we found in the top 1000, number 332, graduation sayings for graduation. Here are a couple of recommendations, raaahr, I am drunk, we did it, or where is my cell phone.
OK for some reason I cannot feel my elbows and blood is coming out of the walls so I’m going to head over to the be cool tent, until I sober up keep searchin’ USA.