Transcript: Doctor's Excuses, Hooters, and Term Papers

Searchin USA
Episode “Doctors excuses, Hooters, and Term Papers”

Josh: Hey internet, josh here for searching USA the most important phenomenon since that one guy who played Van Halens eruption on the glockenspiel. But seriously we try to stay relevant and focus on all the silly things you search for in the top one thousand. Sometimes those silly things are pornographic, or downright illegal, so keep our kids away from this show. Let’s hit it.
This week we are counting down my top five back to school searches, so I hope you are taking notes. Number five, high school musical. Number twenty eight in the top one thousand either the recently released Disney film has kick started a nationwide fascination into poorly rehearsed awkward children’s theater be it a glossy highly marketed feature length brain drain. Or someone scored some nudy picks of the female lead dispersing her meticulously quaff reputation. I am thinking its B.

Number four cheerleaders, it’s a wonder this odd term ever made it in the top one thousand, with football season in full swing you would think people would be searching for more substantive tings, like more effective beer bongs or cocktail weenies.
Number three doctor’s excuse, you would think that the term would have nothing to do with porn, you would be wrong. Number 2 hooters, yes I know associating this term with anything academic is a bit of a stretch but let just enjoy it for what it is. Thousands upon thousand of you using the most hilarious euphemism for breast to scrounge dirty pictures off the internet.
And my number one back to school search term of the week is; Cold war history essay. Shame on you internet you have time to search for kid rock lyrics and Malaysian airline tickets, but not enough time to write a critical appraisal on the defining conflict on the last half of the 20th century? And who’s going to find a term paper on the internet anyway, dumbass.
Ok, now for or combination segment. Where we analyze coincidentally back o back search terns in the top on thousand. This week showing up right next to each other are sweet at 465, and hairy at 466. It appears you guys like your women like you like your Kiwi fruit, sweet and hairy. And green inside. Let’s never eat Vietnamese before we shot this show again.
And now we have come to the end of the show and a segment I am going to call all is no lost. When we locate search term in the top one thousand that gives us hope that the entire country isn’t just flushing itself down the shitter with every embarrassing search you guys make. This week coming in at an encouraging number 554, is the term school violence prevention.
This is most likely an indication that enough soccer moms and kids that got beat up a lot searched for a boring uncool term in an effort to make a difference. It doesn’t matter poindexter, I am still gong to kick you ass before homeroom. Ok well I got to go because my moms here, she is honking like three times so she must be pissed. I got a term paper to write, too. Until next week, keep searching USA.