Transcript: Long Distance Dating

On Dating
Episode “Long Distance Dating”

Andrea Syrtash: Ok, so it’s hard to meet someone you like. Are you going to limit your search to your own area code? Today we are talking long distance dating. I am Andrea Syrtash, and this is On Dating.
Question: Do you think online daters become to intimate too fast?
Woman on the street: When you don’t know who you’re talking to, you feel safe to say things you normally wouldn’t. So I think people who date online open up very quickly.
Women on the street: Because its so much easier online isn’t it, to be able to say, I am this that and the other. All your secrets. Right yeah because you’re not meeting face to face.
Man on street: You got to find out about each other. Find out about each others insights, the mind, and spirituality.
Woman on the street: I believe people are so desperate to find someone they will just open up too quick. Which usually leads to some type of disaster.
Man on street: The internet is such a quick medium. That’s for bringing things together very quickly. That’s what its made for I think.
Andrea Syrtash: There’s a famous Seinfeld episode in which Kramer feels like he is having a long distance relationship, with a woman who lives on the other side of town, downtown. Its too much for him and he has to end it.
Then you hear stories about people who court each other far away. Which seems really conducive in the world of cyber romance. So which side do you fall on? How far will you travel in the world of virtual dating?
If you’re going to venture to another area code, city, country, there are some things to consider. If you don’t already have it, get a good, high-speed internet connection. Its 2007, computers are running so fast, you would be surprised how many people don’t have that.
When your dating long distance, your going to rely on a good internet connection. So you can keep communicating. Keep your long distance bill down, and even attach a cheap webcam for maximum connection.
Another thing to consider, if you are going to venture into the long distance dating world. Is to keep your momentum up with your date. Sign up for a card with air miles if you don’t have a credit card already like that. Because air mileage will be your best currency when you fall for someone far away.
Just don’t spend them unless you and your date discuss it first. I once interviewed a guy in England, and he thought it would be really romantic to show up on the door step of his long distance date, and she got totally freaked out. He flew all the way to the states, she didn’t want it.
So assuming the interest is mutual. Try to visit each other at least one or two times a month. Or as much as your bank account, or your schedule will allow.
Another tip. Don’t hibernate with your long distance date when you do visit each other. There is a tendency, because you are so excited and you haven’t spent a lot of time together, to stay cooped up in someone’s apartment catching up.
But its just as important to see your date in his world. With his friends, his job, his interest. So you really get a sense of who this person is. If you have a three day weekend planned. Perhaps you can spend the first night one on one cuddling. Then you can spend the rest of the weekend in his world.
Try to live in the moment when you are in a long distance relationship. My friend Bryan has this wonderful habit of inviting us over for impromptu parties, but now that he is dating long distance. It seems he cant be as spontaneous about anything.
Long distance relationships can turn even the most last minute person, into a future obsessed planner. But its really important when you’re dating long distance, to try and stay in the moment. Listen there are never any guarantees about where your relationship is going, so you may as well enjoy the process.
And finally, I know it may seem like I am contradicting myself. But its important to talk about your future in a long distance relationship. You can stay resent, and enjoy it. But you shouldn’t be scared to have those discussions, about where this may be going. Especially after a number of months of dating. This kind of question will come up in any adult relationship, so don’t shy away from it.
Here’s my online dating tip of the week:
Respect peoples preferences. If someone mentions that he or she is only interested in dating in there hometown, respect this.
Long distance relationships epitomize all the good and the challenging aspects of any relationship. You have to compromise, you have to communicate, and you have to care enough to make sure your long distance relationship shines at its full potential.
So remember even a bad date makes a great story, so get out there and have some fun. Thanks for watching On Dating. I am Andrea Syrtash; I will see you next time.